Archive for the humour Category

Finnegan’s Wake

Posted in Song, humour on April 22, 2008 by possecomitatus

Tim Finnegan lived in Walkin Street,
A gentle Irishman mighty odd
He had a brogue both rich and sweet,
An’ to rise in the world he carried a hod
You see he’d a sort of a tipplers way
but for the love for the liquor poor Tim was born
To help him on his way each day,
he’d a drop of the craythur every morn

Whack fol the dah now dance to yer partner
round the flure yer trotters shake
Bend an ear to the truth they tell ye,
we had lots of fun at Finnegan’s Wake

One morning Tim got rather full,
his head felt heavy which made him shake
Fell from a ladder and he broke his skull, and
they carried him home his corpse to wake
Rolled him up in a nice clean sheet,
and laid him out upon the bed
A bottle of whiskey at his feet
and a barrel of porter at his head

His friends assembled at the wake,
and Widow Finnegan called for lunch
First she brought in tay and cake,
then pipes, tobacco and whiskey punch
Biddy O’Brien began to cry,
“Such a nice clean corpse, did you ever see,
Tim, auvreem! O, why did you die?”,
“Will ye hould your gob?” said Paddy McGee

Then Maggie O’Connor took up the cry,
“O Biddy” says she “you’re wrong, I’m sure”
Biddy gave her a belt in the gob
and sent her sprawling on the floor
Then the war did soon engage,
t’was woman to woman and man to man
Shillelagh law was all the rage
and a row and a ruction soon began

Mickey Maloney ducked his head
when a bucket of whiskey flew at him
It missed, and falling on the bed,
the liquor scattered over Tim
Now the spirits new life gave the corpse, my joy!
Tim jumped like a Trojan from the bed
Cryin will ye walup each girl and boy,
t’underin’ Jaysus, do ye think I’m dead?”

The Politically Correct Rudolph

Posted in humour with tags , on December 22, 2007 by possecomitatus

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer …
Translation: Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate,

Original: Had a very shiny nose …
Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.

Original: And if you ever saw him …
Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view,

Original: You would even say it glows …
Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.

Original: All of the other reindeer …
Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community,

Original: Used to laugh and call him names …
Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms — the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable.

Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games …
Translation: They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.

Original: Then one foggy Christmas eve …
Translation: However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year…

Original: Santa came to say …
Translation: A mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the supersaturated, humid air.

Original: Rudolph, with your nose so bright …
Translation: He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic.

Original: Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?
Translation: To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist.

Original: Then all the reindeer loved him …
Translation: At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship.

Original: And they shouted out with glee …
Translation: They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervour,

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer …
Translation: Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage,

Original: You’ll go down in history!
Translation: You shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time, and your memory will be preserved for posterity!